Musings of a Cynical Mind

Huh.

Thu, 16 Jul 2009 21:15:29 GMT

Didn't see that coming.

Kyle got a car.

Mon, 06 Jul 2009 21:04:43 GMT

...It's about damn time.

It was going to happen eventually.

Tue, 05 May 2009 20:28:03 GMT

So... I decided, apparently, that I was being much too financially responsible as of late.

...
So I bought a PS3.
...

FALLOUT

(Uncharted is amazing, as well.)

Tue, 30 Dec 2008 19:57:10 GMT

I want a girl with lips like morphine.

Definitely need to get out of this town.

Mon, 22 Dec 2008 14:46:57 GMT

...Because I tire of being everyone's emotional support, and then having to deal with the emotional attachments that stem from people being unused to others caring. I love to help my friends out, but there comes a point where it's too much for me to deal with and its overloading.

I can't deal with trying to help people, people getting the wrong idea, me feeling like a jerk because of it, everyone else getting mad at ME for whatever reason, and people calling me telling me they might kill themselves.
Fuck, especially not that last one.

I've got too much to deal with as it is.
And those fucking dreams are back, and they're about people I don't want them to be about.

I need to get out.
I need to get away.
I need to do SOMETHING.

Help.

Last night...

Fri, 12 Dec 2008 21:15:20 GMT

...Was the most enjoyable night I've had in a good, long while.

It's nice to regain friends. Especially when they're good ones.

Hooray...

Wed, 10 Dec 2008 14:57:37 GMT

...For the return of apathetic, emotional deadness.
How greatly I missed thee.

Fuck.

...
Hopefully it's just because I'm tired. More dreams, last night. Kinda thought those were over. Apparently I was wrong. Gahh... what am I doing? Not wanting to hurt people, and feeling no emotion do not mix well, I think.
There is one person who can make me laugh, or even smile. The strongest emotion I feel towards this person is a sense of curiousity. This is the strongest positive emotion I feel towards anyone, at the moment.

So... I could. I most definitely could.
But do I want to? If I fuck it up what happens to friendship?

Maybe I just shouldn't do anything for a while? But even then I'm probably going to hurt them. Dammit.

Hahaha... Fucking Hell.

Restrospective.

Tue, 09 Dec 2008 15:31:27 GMT

Re-read this and my other journal yesterday, from beginning to end.

...Somewhat disturbing.
Scary to see how naive I was back then, when at the time I thought I was anything but. Good (mostly) to reflect back on what happened in the past year or so.

Interesting to see how much I've changed. Changes in interests, in tastes, tolerances, women, sex, art, emotion... everything. I'm still me, I'm just a very different me from who I was a year ago. And a much better one for all the changes, in my opinion. I've gotten much better at things, as well. Better with people, better with deadlines, with women, relationships, drawing (when I actually do), setting goals and accomplishing them, dealing with stress, with anger, and knowing when to just wash my hands and walk away instead of sticking around for a fall.

All very valuable things to have learned, I think.
Oh, and to always, ALWAYS listen to that voice in the back of my head. Because as much as I ignored it there for a bit, my intuition was always right.

...If I had known then, what I know now, things would be different, and I think I'd be happier.
Probably still be with the person I actually wanted to be with, (not who you think) which would help with the happiness, I'd be a lot further along in my overall plan for my life, having not taken 8 months out of it for the worst reasons possible, and be well on my way to either getting out of here or starting a career.

Ah well. If this is what it takes for me to learn this, and to have this realization, then I suppose I can't be TOO bitter, now can I?

...NOW I just work on getting my life to the point I want it.

Yyyep.

Fri, 05 Dec 2008 21:00:11 GMT

Somewhere, Across the Sea
Somewhere, Waiting for Me
My Lover Stands on Golden Sands
And Watches the Ships
That Go Sailing.

Somewhere, Beyond the Sea
She's There, Watching for Me
If I Could Fly Like Birds on High
Then Straight to Her Arms
I'd Go Sailing

It's Far, Beyond the Stars
It's Near, Beyond the Moon
I Know, Beyond a Doubt
My Heart Will Lead Me There Soon

We'll Meet, Beyond the Shore
We'll Kiss, Just as Before
Happy We'll Be, Beyond the Sea
And Never Again I'll Go Sailing

I Know, Beyond a Doubt
My Heart Will Lead Me There Soon
We'll Meet - I Know We'll Meet - Beyond the Shore
We'll Kiss, Just as Before
Happy We'll Be, Beyond the Sea
And Never Again I'll Go Sailing.

Last night...

Tue, 25 Nov 2008 17:39:30 GMT

...Was amazing.

Fought Travis and some people I havent seen in forever swords for a few hours... Went to New College, watched some Kill Bill. Stayed there with Emma until 4am...

Its been a long time since I've had that much fun.
Too long, in fact.

...
My right hand, and most of the right side of my body, are sore as hell. I need to figure out some protection vs. swords...
...

And I will say -- my job, on maybe 2 hours of sleep, is amazing. No joke.

It's back again.

Mon, 17 Nov 2008 14:01:52 GMT

...That wierd feeling I get has come back.

Except I can't tell what its about. The first thing that comes to mind is Jaymelee and I, but even stepping back and looking at it objectively, there aren't any problems there that I can see. Nothing's wrong at the house, nothing's wrong at my job.

So what the hell is it?

Halloween Plans.

Fri, 17 Oct 2008 16:47:48 GMT

I'm going to dress up like the Joker for halloween.

Not the Heath Ledger Joker, but the Mark Hamil/DC Comics Joker.
Aaaaaaand that should be fun.

Also, there's this girl... We'll see where things go, but at the very least I've got myself a Harley Quinn.
Which is cool as hell. Now I just need a bunch of guys in clown masks...

Moved.

Thu, 02 Oct 2008 13:59:15 GMT

Back at my parent's house, now.

Woo-Hoo.

Mon, 22 Sep 2008 15:08:14 GMT

Canoed 8 miles down the St. Johns River, yesterday.
-- That was fun. Seriously. My arms are tired.

Still trying to figure out things regarding Des.

Wow.

Tue, 16 Sep 2008 15:45:17 GMT

Destiny woke me up this morning and told me that she doesn't want me to move out, and she wants to stay together.

...
Huh.

Alright that's it.

Tue, 09 Sep 2008 15:44:01 GMT

I am so totally done with this situation.

-- I wake up early this morning to Destiny crying. She says she doesn't know why, but she feels really bad. So I comfort her, and I try to make her feel better. Because I'm a nice guy, and I care about her even through all this crap.

So she thanks me for being so nice to her, all things considered, but then she switches to being upset that I'm still here. Which is utter bullshit-- she can't just ask for space and expect me to be able to move instantaneously. She sprung this on me at the worst possible time, and she knows it.

Plus, she still acts like she wants me to be there a lot. So what the hell?

So anyway, I'm all like "-the hell?", and she goes on to tell me that I should be telling everyone else in the apartment (basically, Jackie) what's going on with the two of us and my situation. What the hell -- they know I'm leaving as soon as I can, they know I'm still paying for the length of time I lived there. I've told them this. Also, I fail to see how my relationship with Destiny is any of their goddamn business. And if Destiny thinks they need to be kept up to speed, then why doesn't she tell them? Every time I try to talk to them, they treat me like I'm an idiot, and they blatantly have no respect for me, and little respect for Destiny.

So I'm out. Tonight.
As much as I can manage this evening, I am moving out.

She can have her month, because I really do care about her a lot. But if she keeps fucking with my emotions, or starts taking me for granted, then I am gone. I can handle a break, but i'm not going to wait forever for her to 'find herself'.

You know what I like?

Thu, 04 Sep 2008 13:21:39 GMT

-- I like being woken up at 4;30 am to have completely meaningless conversations. Mind you, I don't even remember these conversations -- they just make it so that I only sleep for about two hours before I have to go to work the next morning.

Getting slightly bitter, now.

Wed, 03 Sep 2008 13:07:51 GMT

...So I bought Season 3 of SuperNatural.
Still good.

...
Also, moving out soon. I think.
Things are still a bit confusing.

So...

Thu, 28 Aug 2008 21:11:14 GMT

Anyone feel likedoing anything? Anyone?

...Seriously.

Tue, 26 Aug 2008 23:46:59 GMT

And so it ends.
...

She has her month.
Let's see what she does with it.

I feel better, now.

Wed, 13 Aug 2008 14:44:01 GMT

Figured out what was bothering Destiny so much, and why I was so upset.

Aaaaaand I fixed that.
So everything's better now, and she seems happy again.

Also -- tomorrow is AFO.
That should be fun.

Now if only idiotic ex-boyfriends would stop bothering me on MySpace, telling people they're going to beat me up, and then saying I should grow up.

Seriously. Who does that???

Right, so...

Fri, 18 Jul 2008 14:15:39 GMT

...Yeah. The Dark knight was fucking amazing.

Also -- WATCHMEN TRAILER!

So...

Mon, 14 Jul 2008 17:21:41 GMT

Apparently I have to move me and Destiny out of our apartment in 2 days, rather than the 5 or so days I had originally planned on having to do so.

...So if anyone is bored, or wants to help, gimme a call, because I could use the assistance.

Monster Hunter Armor.

Thu, 05 Jun 2008 20:38:27 GMT

...Totally making another suit of armor from Monster Hunter, but out of leather this time.
And a 6ft- long katana. And a bunch of Knives.

--If anyone's actually played MH2, I'm making the Battle armor set, with the Hunter's Tasset, and the Iron Katana 'Gospel'. Probably throw in a BBQ spit for effect.

--This one also involves me braiding my hair, somewhat. Which should be interesting.

Wed, 04 Jun 2008 17:03:14 GMT

I'd like to take a moment and mention how awesome my friends are.